Every Stargate Fan's Dream
by Orka
Summary: Everyone who loves Stargate would love to have a chance to jump into that reality, right. Well I didn't have I chioce. I hadn't even seen all the episodes! This is my story. Chapters Five up!
1. I'm Stuck in Michigan and freaking out

1Wow, my second story in one day, I'm on a roll.

This will be a very long story, and updates will be sporadic, but bare with me. I'll do my best to make it worth reading.

Oh, and I don't own Stargate. Would love to, but I'm broke.

To Whoever Happens to be Reading This

First off, if your names happens to begin with a C, G, M, or K, please stop reading this right now. You know who you are. So, stop. Now.

Have you stopped yet? Good. Because quiet frankly, I want you to keep believing that I'm Emako Levine, 18 years old and a native to Tannersville, New York.

Now really, stop reading.

I apologize to anyone you reads this who isn't C, G, M, or K, but I had no love for the US military _before _I somehow ended up in Michigan on a secret military base with no idea how I got there, and now that I have, I downright dislike it. I'm also suspicious. There's nothing like finding out you're hundreds of miles away from home on a military base to put you on guard. And have I mentioned that I'm on a military base with no recollection of how the hell I got here! Because I am, and its really infuriating.

Needless to say, I'm rather peeved, bewildered, and pissed off right about now. The best course of action, however, is not to completely lose my head, which I'm about midway through doing, but to calm down and try to remember what happened. So, I'm going to take a few deep breaths, and sit quietly for a while. There's no sense in giving myself a brain hemorrhage. I should just relax.

Okay, now that I'm slightly more calm, I'll just try to remember, and write down, everything I can recall. That will at least be a start.

Right, so, around 10:00 pm on July, 23, 2005, I was on my PC typing up a draft for my Summer History homework. Normally I would have started days ago, but I saw no sense in starting the project until after I had gotten and read the amazing, wonderful, spectacular, sixth Harry Potter book. But it had come out seven days ago, and I had finished reading it at about 9:00 pm on the same day, so I had run out of excuses. It was time for to get down to the dirty work. And, me being me, I had stayed up way to late for some who had just come back from a day at SplishSplash and biked about five miles, and I feel asleep while I was working.

Then I had a really discombobulated, fragmented dream I can barely remember. Or maybe it wasn't a dream. But in either case, I've got nothing better to do, so I'll write it down.

First I was in a dark steel room with a bunch of teenagers. Although be frank, I'm not sure it was steel. It could I've been iron, or lead.

Wow. I've just re-read that last paragraph, and I've come to the conclusion that Dr. Carson put something in the IV bag than just the regular fluids. Figures, huh?

Anyhow, I was in a room comprised of metal with a bunch of kids. They all looked very different from one another, but they all seemed familiar. Maybe I've dreamt/met them before. One of them was a tall girl of African-American decent, whose dread-knotted hair was pulled back into a large braid that hung down her back. There was another one, a ginger-haired boy who was swearing in a thick cockney/English accent. There was a portly boy of Asian decent who shaking his head at the sight off a small, young boy of about twelve who was shaking with fear as he leaned heavily against the wall. A short, red-headed girl who was watching the room and its occupants with unease, right across the room from an older girl with shining black hair whose eyes flashed dangerously as I looked at her. I made a mental note not to piss her off if I could avoid it.

After about five minutes of eyeing each and our surroundings in silence, I decided to save what's left of my patience for a rainy day and spoke.

"I don't suppose any of you have the slightest idea where we are, do you?" I asked

All eyes turned to me ,and, after a pause of about three seconds, there was a general murmur in the negative, and then a guy dressed up as a Buddhist monk walked in. I think there was a conversation between the two, but I have not the slightest idea what it was about. I can't tell you what the monk dude said either, only that it was about earth having a lot of secrets, chaos, and it included a lot of technobabble about the timespace continuum. That's about all I can remember up until this whole goblet sequence thing.

We were in a different room, surrounded by people in a wide array of shockingly bold colors, including, but not limited to lime green, hot pink, highlighter yellow, and electric blue. Everyone was tense and wary, like a fight was about to break out. I remember being really jumpy, and thinking, "Don't make any sudden moves. Keep calm and collected. You know they have all the aces, so don't bluff, whatever you do." Right about now I'm thinking more along the lines of, "Who the hell was I trying to avoid fighting with?"

They next thing I remember is drinking from really beautiful goblet. I'm not the sort of person who can stare at a painting is derive pleasure from it- give me a good book any day-but this was a really awesome piece of craftsmanship. It looked like it was made completely out of milky opals or mother-of-pearl.

I'm not sure what happened next. One minute I was drinking, the next I doubled over, and my entire body felt like it was on fire. Let me tell you, I'm never going to be able to enjoy a camp fire again. Being burned alive is not a pleasant sensation, to make an incredibly mammoth understatement.

All throughout that wonderful feeling, I was hearing a lot of screaming and yelling, my guess is that the fight I sense before had come to a head. Then the burning sensation stopped, and I felt like I was being dragged. I got thrown into something, and then...well, imagine you're on the fastest, wildest, craziest roller-coaster ride humanly possible. Then multiply by about 100. Then imagine you got thrown into a brick wall, still at unbelievably high speeds. Needless to say, I blacked out.

Waking up from unconsciousness is not like waking up from sleeping. It's like a cross between what I imagine being hangovered would be like, and how my dad describe anesthesia sickness. First thing you notice is sore all of your muscles are, and how tired you are. You feel like you want to crawl back to sleep. Then your head practically explodes with pain. It's like brain freeze, migraine headaches and being conked on the back the head with your friend's baseball bat all rolled into one. It's not pleasant. It's not happy. And it completely prevents you from going back to sleep. After a few minutes, though, the headache starts to fade, and you become aware of your surroundings. You don't see anything, because your eyelids feel like they're made out of lead, but you can feel things. Such as sheets. And you can hear things to. Normally, I suppose, you'd hear doctors conferring with one another, or your parents, or something. Since I'm trapped in Michigan, that's obviously not what I heard.

"She's what, 17, 18. A bit young for espionage, didnea think?" said a thickly laden Scottish accented voice. This, I later learned, or was told, was Dr. Carson. That might not be his real name, so I'm not committing myself either way.

"She could have had plastic surgery or something." suggested another voice, clearly American.

"Why would anyone go through all that trouble to make someone look like they're in their late teens, complete with pimples. They must know that we donea let kids have the run o' the city." the first voice answered.

"Yeah, but they could always..." the second voice began, but was cut off by another, Latino one.

"Lo siento, but the patient is waking up." she interrupted.

"Thank ya, nurse." the Scottish voice replied "Well, we will be finding out, now wonea we?"

At this point I was confused, tired, cranky, and disoriented. So I opened my eyes, and found that I was in a very bland room, painted a dull gray color. It was also blindingly bright. Actually, the right word would be painful. Painfully bright.

"Ouch!" I groaned, quickly shutting my eyes again.

"Hold on there lass, gimme a second to turn down the lights." the Scottish voice soothed, and a second later the redness I saw through my eyelids disappeared. "Right then, you can open your eyes now."

I did, noting that the light had mercifully dimmed to a more tolerable level. "Thanks." I whispered, wincing at how dry my throat sounded. "Where am I?"

The two figures exchanged looks, before the slimmer one answered. "Where do you think you are?"

"Um... a hospital? Good Samaritan, Suffolk General, St Augustine's, or something. I don't know. What happened to me?"

The two people looked at each other again before the plumper one spoke in low, Scottish voice.

"You don't remember?" he inquired

"No, I." I began, and then stopped. Alarm bells started ringing through my head and my naturally cynical personality reasserted itself. I still didn't know where I was, or who these people were, or how I got here. Worse yet, everyone seemed to be avoiding my questions. Something weird was going on, but I would need more information to figure out what. So I cleared my throat. "I'd like to know where I am please."

The skinnier one made to turn his head exchange yet another look, but instead of meeting it, Scotty blurted out "Michigan." The skinnier one glared at him.

"Michigan !" I repeated incredulously. "I was in New York last night, how the he..ck did I get to Michigan?"

"You're from New York?" asked the skinny one. Mentally I cursed myself. I still had no idea what my situation was. I shouldn't be giving out personal information.

"Yes, that's right." I said, casting my mind about for the name of a town in New York. "Tannersville, New York. The last thing I remember is doing my history homework. How could I have ended up in Michigan?"

"We were hoping you'd be able to tell us that, lass." answered Scotty.

"Sorry, but I'm just confused right now." I replied. "I don't have the faintest idea of how I got here."

"That's alright, lass. We'll figure it out eventually. We normally do." he soothed

"Thanks." I whispered.

"So, kid, do you have a name?" asked the American voice.

"Yeah, Emako Levine. Who're you?" I questioned.

"Well," began Scotty, "I'm Dr..."

"He's Dr. Carson."butted in the American. "And I'm Col. German."

Dr. Carson shot the colonel a reproachful look, but German paid it no mind. Actually now that I think about it, I don't think those are their real names, I think.

Wow. Whatever's in this IV is really strong. I feel like I'm drunk.

Anyway, at this point two new people came in, accompanies by the smell of something burning. One was clutching his right hand, and moaning softly, but it was the second figure that was really startling.

Okay imagine me with brown eyes and a thinner nose, and being about 6'3", and you'd have Dr. Kay. Same shade of hair(brown), same unruly eyebrows, same bone structure (tall and thin), and same pointy ears. It was scary. It was like a trick mirror that shows you what you'll look like in about 20 years. Heck, scary doesn't even cover it. Downright disturbing would be more accurate.

The other guy had really light brown hair, almost dirty blonde, with dark blue eyes, and the same chunky nose I ended up with. It's a French Canadian nose, which would be fine if I wasn't part Irish, part Czech, part Nordic, and part German. Nothing French and nothing Canadian.

"What's did you do now, Rodney?" groaned Dr. Carson, rushing forward to help.

"I burnt my hand, what does it look like?" snapped Rodney

"Yes, but what were you doing when you burnt it?" said Dr. Carson semi-patiently. "Were handling another one of your toys or were trying to cook dinner?"

"Since when do I cook dinner?" snarled back Rodney

"How many times do I have to tell you lad, you shouldnae touch things that blow up." moaned Dr. Carson

"If I didn't touch things that blew up nothing would get done around here. Everything in this place can blow up."

German rolled his eyes slightly. "Gee thanks, that's a really comforting thought."

"Did our mystery patient wake up yet?" asked Dr. Kay, although at the time I didn't know her name, and I probably still don't.

"If you're referring to me, I'm right here." I pointed out. Dr. Kay jumped slightly, and everyone in the room turned to stare at me. "What?"

"Everyone, meet Emako Levine." Colonel German proclaimed, completely ignoring my question. "Levine, meet Drs. Mc... Weir and Kay."

The two doctors looked at him, and he gave them a look right back.

"Um.. Nice to meet you I guess." I said. Dr. Kay nodded slightly. "Erm... well, uh... do you think I could call my mom. She's probably worried sick, and I'd like to get home at some point in the near future."

Everyone in the room exchanged looks.

"Excuse us for a sec." answered Col. German. "Dr. Carson, could we use your office for a minute?"

Dr. Kay and Col. German went into a small, cubical-like office wedged in the right-hand corner, followed by Dr. Carson, leaving me alone with Dr. McWeir.

"So..." I said, trying to fill the uncomfortable silence. "What exactly do you do that involves exploding things?"

"I suppose you'd call it R&D." he said. "Although, it's really closer to the R than the D, I suppose."

"Ah." I replied, not entirely sure of what to say. We spent a few more minutes in silence before Col. German and the rest came out of Dr. Carson's office, looking rather grim.

"Lass, this is going to come as a bit of a shock to you, but we can't let you call your parents." Dr. Carson said softly.

"What?" I responded, shocked. "But why?"

Dr. Carson looked away.

"Levine, you appeared on a military base." Colonel German said bluntly. "We're doing a lot of weapons design and research, so until you're healed we can't allow you to go anywhere."

"That still doesn't answer my question." I pointed out.

"Too bad." answered the Colonel. "That's the best you're going to get.

So, to make that long, and very time consuming story short: I'm stuck on a base with people I don't know, with no way of getting home. Life's pretty complicated, and this IV stuff isn't helping. I can't even walk, according the Dr. Carson. I'll just have to wait it out.

-Emako Levine


	2. I'm Really Pissed Off and drugged

1Sorry the little star things didn't work on the last chappie, but I've come up with something that should hopefully work. I still don't own Stargate, although I now have 50 cents saved up.

This chapter is dedicated to Livy1213. Thank you so much!

STARGATE RULES BUT YOU AREN'T SUPPOSED TO READ THIS!

To myself:

Don't anyone else dare read this. Because if you do, I will kill you. And I'm really pissed of right about now so I wouldn't press your luck if I were you.

It's been a over week since I wrote. More than a week of eating foul-tasting Jell-O, IV fluids and unexplained mysteries I ignored.

Mysteries like"Why am I still here?"

Mysteries like "Why do I always think more clearly right before Dr. Carson injects something into my IV?"

The only reason I'm even able to think straight enough if the fact that Dr. Carson switch me onto pills two days ago, exactly one week after my arrival. I hate pills, so I only swallowed one of them , figuring that if the pain was that bad I would simply take the other one later. It was easy, since Dr. Carson didn't watch. Big mistake on his part.

I woke up late that night. Col. German, or whatever his name really is, was having a conversation about me with Dr. Carson.

"...she seems perfectly fine, Major. I put her on pill today, and I plan on starting her some soup tomorrow." Dr. Carson reported, semi-cheerfully.

"Okay that's good I guess." muttered the colonel/major.

There was a silence for a moment or two, before Dr. Carson prodded at him. "Go on..."

"It's a rock and a hard place you know. She doesn't seem to be a spy or a wraith in disguise, but she still could be. And if she's not, what am I supposed to say? 'Hey Levine, guess what? You're trapped in the Pegasus Galaxy with no way of getting home, and also guess what? There a large population of vampire-aliens who seem to be hell-bent on destroying us. Oh yeah, and I'm not sure if you ever heard of a TV show called Stargate, but guess what? It's real!"

There was a moment's silence in which German breathed heavily, Dr. Carson contemplated, and I tried very, very hard not to scream. If what I understood was correct, and I'm pretty sure it was, the major/colonel just said that I was on Stargate Atlantis. Which is impossible. Cool, weird, and very disturbing, but impossible.

"Well, I suppose that will be a problem." Dr. Carson admitted finally after nearly a full minute's silence. "But, I donea think you should tell her in quiet that manner."

"Yeah, I know doc. This has been really weird though." There was a pause before he frowned slightly. "You sure she's out?"

"Yes major, she's unconscious. She took enough morphine to keep that way for another eight hours or s-s-so." Dr. Carson answered, stifling a yawn.

"Alright, I'll check in then." the major/colonel/ military person said. "Night."

"Goodnight, major." answered Dr. Carson.

I spent the next hour convincing myself that I had just imagined it, before falling in an uneasy sleep. An hour after I woke up, most of the morphine was completely flushed from my system. And I've begun to notice some things that are just weird. The clock, for example, has fifteen numbers instead of the status-quo twelve. The calendar Dr. Carson has hanging up by the door is turned to October. I don't ache at all. Dr. McWeir comes in frequently with burned hands, even though just the day, or even, in one case, the hour, before he was in with the same problem. Every time, he leaves with his hands in ointment, and then he come back without any ointment on them, but numerous, and new, burn marks, along with literally hundreds of things that don't add. Or wouldn't if we were still on earth.

But I was still utterly convinced that this was not Atlantis. I mean, how could it be. I came of all sorts of theories, everything from my parents winning the lottery, not telling me, and then using this to try and break my Stargate obsession to being kidnaped and put under stress to see how long it was before I would succumb to insanity to some sort of postmortem hallucination. Obviously, they all seemed just as unlikely as the improbability that I was somehow sucked into Stargate. Not knowing was driving me crazy. So I asked a question. A simple little question. Every third grader in my old elementary school could have answered it. Anyone who grew up in either Canada or the Northern United States probably could. And certainly anyone in Michigan could.

The infirmary has a pretty nice view of a very, very big body of water. Hence, the question I asked to Dr. Carson was. "Which Great Lake is that? Lake Ontario?"

His answer: "Yeah, I think so."

Michigan touches four of the Great Lakes. Ontario isn't one of them.

So that leaves either me being insane or me being on Atlantis, or me being in some sort of weird mental testing place. Not really much of a choice when you think about it. Or maybe Dr. Carson really has no idea, or wasn't really paying attention at all, and I'm just being weirdly paranoid/hopeful. Which is kind of odd when you think about it, because I've never even seen the fist few episodes of Atlantis.

At any rate, I doubt that anyone is going to tell me anything helpful, and I don't deal well with suspense. I never have. So instead I'm just going to have find out for myself.

Of course, I'm going to need a plan first. And I'll have to re-learn how to walk, my legs feel like they've been asleep forever. And I'm going to have to be careful. And I can't let anyone know what I know/guess/hope.

But first, I think I'll have some of this soup. I normally loathe soup, but after eating Jell-O for a week, anything solid tastes good.

-Emako Levine

QUICK AUTHORS NOTES

Thanks to_ LostMyPen _for reviewing 'Hero Complex'. I'm very flattered that you liked it.

Thanks to _Phoenix Lumen _for reviewing the first chapter of this story. You wish is my command.

**And a very, very special thanks to _Livy1213_ who reviewed both**. Sorry about the grammar, it's my worst subject next to spelling. Emako is female. It's a Japanese name, and "O" is normally at the end of a girl's name in that country. Sorry about the spoilers, I re-load that chapter with spoiler warnings.

I'd also like to apologize in advance for this chapter. It's probably total crap, but to make the story work. I hope to keep writing this stuff for as long as they keep airing the shows.

Remember to **_REVIEW_**, it only takes 30 seconds.

Ta!


	3. Things Yet To Come a teaser

This is just a teaser of things yet to come in the next two chapters of Every Stargate Fan's Dream. I was going to post it on April Fools Day, but I couldn't wait. So, enjoy!

MY APOLOGISES TO REMEY... I READ YOUR REVIEW AFTER YOUR STORY

"Would you believe me if I told you that I saw it on TV?"

"Major, she could have vital information about what happens! For all we know the Wraith show up and...stop doing that!"

"It was a two-parter."

"Hey, I'm working with bits and pieces of conversation overheard while I was in the ceiling and running from security. Give me a break."

"Yeah, really. It's the sort of physics many physicists wish would go away- or at least be simpler so they could come up with some sort of uniform theory, but still physics."

"You would find it amusing, you have the same, sick, twisted sense of humor she does."

"Took a wrong turn to the bathroom. You know, now that you mention it, I'll think I'll go back there now."

"Merde! Je suis niqué!"

"Lady Luck's pretty stingy, though. I ended up in a mess hall."

"Peachy. Just incredibly peachy."

"Maybe I won't be though, I mean, I came back once, maybe I'll be able to pull another miracle off."

SO, HOW DOES IT SOUND?


	4. I'm Stuck in a Wraith cage and snarky

And here is the third installment. Let us all pray to God that this is better than the last one. I hated it. It was just so boring.

Oh, and by the way, I don't own Stargate. I never did, and I only have a twenty, so my chances of buying it are somewhere in the negative billions.

SGA IS THE BEST BUT THAT'S BESIDES THE POINT!

"What's that?"

Emako jumped. She had been so busy writing she hadn't seen Major Sheppard andDr. McKay enter the brig/jail.

"Legal pad." she replied, resolutely flipping said pad closed, and standing up from the bench.

"No, really." Sheppard commented.

"Yes, really."

There was a small silence as Emako walked to the edge of the cell, Sheppard crossed his arms, and McKay smirked slightly.

"So, Levine, what are you doing here?" Sheppard asked finally.

"Standing in a cell that used to belong to a Wraith named Steve." Sheppard raised an eyebrow.

"And how exactly do you know about Steve?"

"Would you believe me if I told you that I saw it on TV?" Emako retorted. Sheppard started.

"TV? Like Sci-Fi channel, Stargate show?" he inquired.

"Yes." Emako answered simply.

"That's not possible." McKay cut in.

"Which is why I was crawling around in the ceiling for the better part of the morning." Emako explained.

"Who are you?" Sheppard asked, just as McKay opened his mouth again.

"For the time being, I'm Emako Levine, from Tannersville New York, and not a very happy camper about being locked in a cage."

"For the time being?"Sheppard repeated. "What exactly does that mean?"

"It means she's stonewalling you." McKay interrupted.

"McKay, when I want to talk to you, I'll let you know." Sheppard said.

"Well, why am I here then? I could be at the lab packing stuff, checking on devices, eating lunch, making sure all my calculations for the grounding stations are correct..."

"Grounding stations?" inquired Emako suddenly.

"Yeah, grounding stations." McKay answered. "Why, does something happen during the...Ouch!"

McKay glared at Sheppard, who'd hit him on the arm. "McKay. Shut. Up."

"Major, she could have vital information about what happens! For all we know the Wraith show up and...stop doing that!" McKay glared again as Sheppard smacked him again.

"Levine, do the Wraith show up?" Sheppard asked.

"Nope." she replied.

"See, McKay, you got all worked up for nothing. Again."Sheppard reassured him, turning back towards the cell. "Which leaves us with, who are you?"

"I believe I already answered that question." Emako stated.

"You said 'for the time being', which means absolutely crap to me."

"That's the point."

He glared at her, although after falling at of the ceiling into the control room and being chased by security guards, glaring wasn't working as well as it might have. Perhaps knowing this McKay's smirk was back in all its smug glory.

"Okay, then, who will you be say... a week from now?" Sheppard rephrased.

"Always assuming I'll live that long..."

"I thought you said the Wraith didn't show up!" McKay exclaimed.

Sheppard sighed, and turned to face the slightly panicked astrophysicist. "McKay, you're here because I want you to translate any technobabble she might throw at us. Not to faint. Please, for once in your life, be quiet." he faced Emako again. "Now, as annoying as he is, he has a point. If the Wraith don't show up, what happens."

"Did I say anything happens?" Emako asked innocently

"No, you said there was a chance you might not live. Which implies something bad." McKay clarified, jumped out of the way of Sheppard's hand just in time.

"Are you going to tell us anything useful?" Sheppard asked, trying with all his might to ignore McKay.

"Are you going to do anything with it if I do?" Emako responded.

"Well, that all depends on what you say, doesn't it?"

She regarded him for moment before shrugging. "What the hell. I've probably gone crazy anyway, so it's not like it will affect anything. The Genii find out that the city's being evacuated, and send a team through the stargate to take over the city. Drs. McKay and Weir are held hostage by the leader of the team. The Genii learn of the plan to disconnect the grounding stations to channel lightning power through the city to power the shields, and send a few guys to shoot Major Sheppard. They end up shooting the grounding station instead. During all of this, Dr. McKay contacts Major Sheppard, who in turn contacts Dr. Beckett, Ms. Emmagon, and Lt. Ford, who are on the mainland. At this point, no one is paying any attention whatsoever to me, so I can say whatever I want. Peaches! Gay peguin sex! Down with the Yankees! Ya!They fly the jumper to the city in the Eye of the storm to help Major Sheppard. During this time Drs. McKay and Weir are fixing the grounding station with the leader of the Genii, Kolya, but they are interrupted when you shut the power off. Kolya threaten to kill doctor Weir if you don't turn the power back on with in ten minutes, so you go to turn the power back on. The station gets fixed, and the three of them go back to the Control Room. Dr. McKay pretends to raise the shields, then tells Kolya that it didn't work, so the said terrorist gets pissed, and makes to drag the doctors through the Stargate, Sheppard and Ford shoot the remaining Genii, and with the exception of the two guards shot when the Genii entered the city, everyone lives long enough for the show to be renewed."

Both men blinked simultaneous. In the background, Emako saw a guard lift an eyebrow and smirk slightly.

"So...basically a lot of really bad stuff happens." Sheppard summarized.

Emako shrugged again. "It was a two-parter."

"Ah."

The guard silently shook her head in the background, grinning.

"I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that this is very weird for all of us." McKay began. Emako rolled her eyes. "Amen" she agreed.

"So, I think it's safe to say we should move on to a different topic." McKay said, glaring slightly at Emako.

"Works for me." she agreed. "So, what's today's date?"

"October 15..." began McKay, but he was cut off by a bemused Major.

"Excuse me, who's in charge here? Because I could have sworn it was someone called Sheppard. And please, let me know if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's me."

McKay made to open his mouth, but Emako beat him to it. "It's a little unsettling if you don't know your own name, Major."

"Plus, if I'm reading into this correctly, she's about to launch into the 'technobabble' you brought me here to translate." McKay chimed in.

"Did I ask for your opinion, either of you?" retorted Sheppard.

"Yes." they replied in unison.

Sheppard looked between the two of them, looking slightly disturbed. Behind him, the guard's shoulders were shaking in silent laughter.

"Are you two related?" he asked.

"No." Emako and McKay answered.

Sheppard edged away, and the gaurd let out a quiet stream of giggles, punctuated by snorts. "Okay, you," he said, pointing at Emako. "if you're going to do the technobabble bit, do it now and get it over with, you" he said, turning to McKay, "translate, and you," he faced the guard, "stop laughing."

"M'sorry sir." she replied in an Australian accented voice, still grinning broadly.

"Right then, technobabble." Emako said. "Always assuming I haven't been out in the infirmary for months, I've somehow traveled through time. And because it's impossible for the show to air before the material has happened, again always assuming, of course, that the Stargate TV show is an elaborate cover-up for the real program, and that I haven't been sucked into some alternate universe, the most plausible explanation is that I somehow got sucked into a wormhole, which then connected to the one here. Or, you know, I could have gone insane, which is probably the most likely explanation."

"That's a pretty shoddy theory." McKay pointed out. "And time travel's not possible. At least not backwards."

"Hey, I'm working with bits and pieces of conversation overheard while I was in the ceiling and running from security. Give me a break." Emako retorted. "And time's just a fourth dimension, right? Wormhole operate by forming wrinkles through space, it wouldn't take much more than some weird anomaly the fold time along with it."

"That's true." conceded McKay.

"While I'm enjoying being left out in the dark, could someone translate that to English please?" the Major asked.

Emako snorted. "That was English."

"Shut up." Sheppard snapped, "McKay, simpler English, if you please."

"She thinks she fell through some random wormhole, which propelled her through space and time to here." McKay answered.

"Is that possible?" Sheppard asked.

"Yes, but she'd have to have traveled through a very unstable black hole, which would mean she should be about the size of a pinhole right about now." McKay explained.

"Well, obviously I'm not." Emako pointed out.

"Which means you didn't come through a black hole, which also means you're lying."McKay stated.

Emako raised an eyebrow. "Quantum theory."

"You can't be serious." he protested.

"Only explanation I can come up with." Emako replied evenly.

"It's never been reliably proven though. I mean, you'd need uniform theory to even begin to calculate for that sort of thing. And that still doesn't explain how you managed to not be crushed. You would have had to been encased in some sort of intense anti-gravity field, propelled at very high speeds."

"What's she talking about?" Sheppard asked.

"Quantum theory- the idea that, at the sub-atomic level, everything is possible." McKay explained.

"And...?"

"Basically it means that everything, no matter how bizarre or weird, has a chance to happen. For example, it's possible for me to walk right through the bars of this cage thing you have me in, but the chances of it happening are so minute that I'd have to keep trying for nearly an eternity for it to actually happen. Or at least, that's how it was explained to me." Emako explained evenly.

"Really?" Sheppard said. "That's physics?"

"Yeah, really. It's the sort of physics many physicists wish would go away- or at least be simpler so they could come up with some sort of uniform theory, but still physics."Emako replied.

"And how do you know this?" Sheppard inquired.

"I read, Major." Emako answered shortly.

"Contrary to popular belief, so do I. And all the physics mumbo-jumbo you just sprouted doesn't ring any bells."

Emako snorted slightly. "You obviously weren't reading the right books."

"But why Atlantis?"

"Random luck. I could have probably ended up on Jupiter thousands of years from now, or the vacuum of space shortly after the big bang."

McKay opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by the sound of radio static and Dr. Weir's voice. "Rodney, Major, you've been in there for half an hour. How's it going?"

"Not very good, Lizzie." Major Sheppard replied. "She's not really cooperating."

"Has she said anything?"Dr. Weir asked, soundly slighted annoyed.

"Oh, she's said plenty. Just not anything thatwe want to know."

"Well, finish up down there soon. Zelenka has requested your help packing some of the science equipment."

"Okay, be there soon." Sheppard replied, shutting off the radio. He turned to Emako. "Look, you strike me as a very intelligent, well-read, beautiful young woman, so can't you see the sense in just telling us where you came from, and why are you here?"

"Okay two things; A-Stop flirting with me. I'm not really interested in guys twice my age, and I'm little worried if you're interested in me." Dr. McKay let out a tremendous snort, and guard succumbed to another fit of laughter. The Major stared at her with appalled shock. "And B-I did tell you where I'm from. New York. The Empire State. The place with the completely screwed up tax system and major education problems. I told you two weeks ago. You can ask Dr. Beckett, I believe he was there."

"Did you just say... alright that's it. I don't have to take this. Come on McKay."

Still grinning, McKay followed a seething Sheppard as he stalked out of the room.

THIS IS A SPACE, BUT YOU MAY READ IT IF YOU LIKE

"That was amusing." McKay commented as the door to the brig closed behind him. John glared.

"You would find it amusing, you have the same, sick, twisted sense of humor she does." he grumbled. "Look, did anything she say incriminate her in any way?"

"What didn't incriminate her?" Rodney replied, before seeing the bemused look on Sheppard's face, and hurriedly adding. "Her whole thing about the wormhole practically screamed 'spy'. There absolutely no way she could have come through a wormhole without access to some very advanced technology. I don't mean Ancient advanced either. I mean more-than-Ancient advanced. She was sent here on purpose. That's the only logical explanation. The only one."

"And quantum theory..."

"Has absolutely no bearing here."

BROWNIE POINTS TO WHOEVER CAN GUESS WHAT THIS IS

Meanwhile, the guard watched as Emako returned to her bench, scooped up her pad, and flipped it back to the point she had left off at. She put pen to paper, then hesitated, before looking up towards the ceiling.

"You know God, sometimes I think you enjoy putting me in nearly impossible situations. Not that I blame you..." she trailed off reflectively, before shaking her head slightly and returning to her diary.

SO, WHO HAS BROWNIE POINTS?

My God, this took me over a month to write, and it's total crap. All it is, is seven pages of snark and technobabble, and the Major is a bit out of character.

On another note, did anyone find my Easter egg?


	5. I'm screwed, really screwed

Cross your fingers everyone, and hope this is better than the last two. And please, review people! I got no reviews for the last chapter! C'mon...please?

Warning: Cursing. Lots and lots of language your mother probably doesn't approve of.

BEWARE OF CHOCOLATE COVERED HIPPOPOTAMUSES!

Dear Mom,

Ah shit, I'm completely fucked up now. Completely and totally screwed. I'm so far down the creek I'm about to be washed out to sea. And forget about paddles, because at this point I'd count myself lucky to have dried buffalo crap.

Okay, sorry for panicking on you there Mom, but my bizarre little life is about to be flushed down the toilet, and I'm not too happy about that right now. I mean, physics is irritating, TV reality taking on an entirely new meaning is headache inducing, and being chased by gun-slinging Russian security forces is harrowing, but ending up in the past, in another galaxy, while a hypercane is headed for the city is disturbing and completely and totally wrong. The fact that the chances of me surviving said hypercane , especially when compounded with armed megalomaniacs running around the city, are slim isn't helping my mood much either.

Right, I'm going to cut my rant off right now and get back to the story of how I ended up in a Wraith cage. Let's see, I found my clothes, minus my shoes, which didn't help be later, stole a maintenance kit from Dr. McKay, crawled in that tiny space between the ceiling tiles and the floor of the next story up, followed some voices to the control room, lifted up one of the tiles, and then...

I saw the Stargate. It was pretty cool looking; it actually looked almost like one on TV, but this one was purple. It was active, and some of the people there were moving crates away from the gate. Dr. Weir (although at the time I suppose she was still Dr. Kay to me) was discussing something with an English-accented guy. I shifted my wait a little so I could see better. Not the smartest thing I've ever done in my life, although at the time it seemed like a good idea.

I believe I mentioned in my last entry that the ceiling tiles were pretty light, but the were shiny and smooth so I figured they were some sort of metal, and therefore able to hold my weight? I was almost right. They could hold my weight- if I kept pressure on more than one of them. Unfortunately, when I shifted my weight... the weird metal might as well have been shaving cream.

So, needless to say, I fell, rather hard I might add, one story down and about five inches away from the British dude and on my stomach. Someone above me squeaked, and then everyone stared at me. It was one of those moments when a herd of rampaging elephants could danced the can-can in pink tutus and top hats and no one would have even noticed.

And what did I say in all my profound intelligence?

"Oh shit." I muttered, picking myself off the ground. "Crap, this is really not good."

Dr. Weir blinked. "Emako, what are you doing outside the infirmary?"

"Took a wrong turn to the bathroom. You know, now that you mention it, I'll think I'll go back there now." I backed away a bit, turned, and nearly collided with Major Sheppard.

"That sounds like a plan to me." he stated. "Let's go." He placed his hand on his gun. Now that I think about it, he was probably just as freaked about the whole falling out of ceiling bit as I was, and being cautious. Not was I was thinking at the time. At the time, I decided now was a good time to put on anotherdemonstration ofmy high IQ. In short, I completely freaked, panicked, and ran.

Well actually, I ran to the stairs, tried to run down them but then decided that was too slow and ended up vaulting over the banister onto some guy with a ponytail- probably Kavanagh, or however his name's spelled, now that I have time to think about it, jumped off him, skidded to the doors, which, thankfully opened for me, out into a hallway, took a left, then a right, the into this closet-sized niche in the wall that had one of those cool light-up maps in it- the transporter, I soon found out, when I went crashing into it and hit one of the buttons.

Yep, I really amAP material. I swear, the only thing I'm really smart in is blind, sheer, dumb, skin-of-your teeth luck.

I ended up right outside what turned out to be Dr. McKay's lab (I think- it could have been Dr. Zelenka's), and still be in a state of semi-blind panic, I ducked inside and hide underneath some sort of table just as -you guessed it- Dr. McKay and Dr. Zelenka entered the room.

"...any idea of what this meeting could be about?" Dr. Z was saying as he and the geeky Canadian entered through the door behind me.

"No Nelukta, I must have told you six times by now. All I know is that it concerns Major Sheppard and Teyla, and from the tone in her voice it's probably not going to be anything good." McKay whined, shuffling through papers.

"I still do not understand why we are taking the lab reports up now. They aren't due until next week." McKay grunted something unintelligible to which Zelenka replied "My name is Zelenka. Zel-len-ka. It is not the difficult to pronounce. Or to remem... watch it!"

There was a clatter as a small avalanche of papers and paperweights fell off the table, the bulk of the stuff landing directly behind me. Zelenka swore in Czech, and he and McKay both bent over to pick up the supplies. Needless to say, they saw me.

"Who are you?" Zelenka asked. I must now point out that I do not deal well with stress. Hence, my reply was "Merde! Je suis niqué!"

And yes Mom, that was me cursing in French. I've found that cursing at people in languages they don't understand is a very good way to derail dangerous conversations, such as what happened to me in April. And for some strange reason the teachers don't mind it at all. You do it too, I seem to remember.

Getting back to the lab...

"I'm sorry?" McKay intoned. "You're _what_?"

"Lost." I replied semi-cheerfully, coming out from under the table and straightening up. "I don't suppose you can point me in the direction of the infirmary, could you?"

"Wait just a minute, you're that girl that... what are you doing out of bed?" he spluttered.

"Long story. Suffice it to say I'd rather get back sooner than later. So if you could just point me in the direction of Beckett's place Dr. McKay?"

"Sure," he said, looking slightly perplexed. "It's right over..."

"Hold a moment." Zelenka interjected. "Dr. Mc_Kay? _And Dr. _Beckett_?"

Dr. McKay shut his mouth, looked at Zelenka, and then back at me. That's when I remembered, too late, that I supposed to know them only as Dr. McWeir and Dr. Carson. Shit.

Or as I said at the time, "Crisse!"

And then Major Sheppard ran into to lab. "Rodney, that Levine girl's lose around the city... or she could be right here."

"Okay, I'm leaving now." I said making a dash for the door. Sheppard blocked my path. So I tried another door, and was blocked by Zelenka. McKay took another door to my left, so I made a dash for the fourth door as the Major called for reinforcements. I almost made it, but I stopped by a rather pitiful tackle from McKay that sent me spiraling into a pad on the wall. That's when Luck decided to give me a little of her bounty, and the lights began to flicker insanely before burning themselves out in a blinding flash. Me? I had my eyes closed, so I took advantage of having my eyes more or less able to see to run for the fifth and final door out of the lab and into another transporter.

Lady Luck's apretty stingy bitchthough. I ended up in a mess hall. A mess hall populated by a bunch of people with radios who were more than willing to call for security, which came in the form of several gun-wielding guys who should really be screened for steroid use. Since I was trying to run back out of the mess hall at the time, I collided with one of them.

Which is how I came to be surrounded by armed security guards; and how I came to be locked up in the brig awaiting the death sentence.

Okay, so they're not actually going to kill me. But if I were Major Sheppard, I wouldn't let me to... whatever planet it is that the majority of Atlantis's residents are gating of to. Manara? Something like that...doesn't really matter, idoubt I'll go there, they'll probably thinkI might spy, or at the very least annoy the heck out of everyone. No, it would probably be safer to keep me here... and in the control room. Which means I'd probably be there when Kolya gates in.

Peachy. Just incredibly peachy. Absolutely fucking ducky.

Well, if I don't write again, you can safely assume I've died. Maybe I won't be though, I mean, I came back once, maybe I'll be able to pull another miracle off. Sorta. Maybe.

Oh good Lord, I'm going to start hyperventilating any second now. I'm scared completely and totally shitless. I'm going to die. I'm going to be shot be people who shouldn't even exist. And who am I kidding- I had absolutely nothing to do with getting myself back last time, and the chances I'll get a third chance are so slim they aren't even worth mentioning. Tiny- tiny Itty-bitty microscopic chance. There's a greater probability of John DeLancie and Patrick Stewart dressing up in pink tutus, magically appearing in the control room, and reenacting George Washington crossing the Delaware.

Okay, so maybe it's not that bad, but it's pretty damn close.

I really hope I have a chance to write to you again. But if I don't, I love you, okay?

Froma rather freaked out Emako

YABA DABA DOO!

You know, I really didn't like this chapter either. See you in a week...hopefully.

Remey; Update!


	6. But I'm tired

I'm happy today... finished the fourth chapter and got my teaser up. Just a warning now... this is a little on the short side... and I plan on slipping a few more foreign curse words in here. I've found some pretty good Arabic ones...

OKAY LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN... LET THE CARTOOOONS BEGINཀ

"Hey Levine."

Emako grumbled something unintelligible under her breath and some how managed to roll over on her bench without falling off.

"Levine, wake up."

"Kel zag." she mumbled, blearily opening one eye for a half a microsecond and closing it again.

"Levine. Up. Now."

"Bhend chowd." she replied, not even bothering to open her eye this time.

"Levine, get your pathetic excuse for an ass up so I can drag it up to the control room."

"Why would I feel remotely impelled to do that, Major?" she asked sleepily, stifling a yawn.

"Because if you don't I'll..."

"Drag my pathetic excuse for an ass up to the control room?"

But she was getting up, and, more importantly, speaking English. The Major watched impatiently as she stretched, yawned, and picked up her legal pad.

"Now, before for McKay releases the force field, let's get a few things straight. If you make any sudden moves, I'll shoot you. If you make any suspicious moves, I'll shoot you."

"If I do anything that even vaguely resembles an attempt at escaping, espionage, or contacting enemies, you'll shoot me. Can we just get this over with?" Emako pleaded.

"Glad we understand each other." Sheppard replied, as the incessant buzzing of the force field stopped, and Emako stepped up to the door.

POINTS TO THE PEOPLE WHO CAN TRANSLATE THE CURSE WORDSཀ

"Elizabeth, you take grounding station two. I'll take grounding station one. Major, you take stations three and four." Dr McKay instructed

"Woah woah woah, wait a second. Where are stations three and four?" Sheppard asked

"Here and here." McKay answered, pointing at two different spots on the map.

"And we are..?" Sheppard questioned

"Here." The major raised on eyebrow. "Yes. I need to get done quickly so I can start working on the subroutines, and Elizabeth was complaining about her knee the other day..."

Emako sighed slightly, shifting her weight idly and glancing at the Stargate. At least Sheppard had given some consideration to Genii, instead of the two guards that were posted during the show, eight soldiers, excluding the Major , were milling about the control room.

"And by 'brisk' you mean 'far?'" asked the Major

"No, by 'walk' I mean 'run.'"McKay clarified.

"Okay." Sheppard replied, throwing his hands up in the air in mock surrender. "Now, you guys." he turned to the military personnel, who stopped talking at once. "If something comes through the 'gate and you don't know what it is, shoot at it. If something comes through the 'gate and you know what it is, then keep it in the control room." he sighed slightly, and glared in my general direction. "And make sure Levine doesn't leave either. Don't die." he turned back to Drs. Weir and McKay. "Let's go."

Emako looked at the Stargate again. This was going to be one looong day.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Yeah, that kinda sucked. Please feel free to the flame, I think my plot bunny's getting a little lazy lately, so suggestions are mightily ecouraged.


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